It's an obsession. I am obsessed with watching white girls with black men. It's all about the girls... I want them so badly, but when I see the ease and willingness with which they submit to black men, eagerly, without hesitation or limit, I am consumed with frustration, anger, loss and, yes, inadequacy and yet I cannot look away, I am transfixed, spellbound. It's not that I'm weird or weak or attracted to the men, it's those girls… Look into their eyes, they shine radiant with with love and genuine visceral fulfilment, they have experienced an elemental shift. I want to fight it but it feels so right, so natural, so wrong and so right. I hate it and I love it, but I just have to keep watching it. It's an obsession.